How I Finally Realized My Mother Was A Narcissist

My parents are aged and in poor health. Over the last couple of years, my father, who had never had health problems before, had a heart attack. Apparently all those years of smoking, drinking and eating the wrong things caught up to him.

Like a dutiful daughter, I did my best to go to doctor's appointments with them and be there when they were in the hospital.

During one of my father's hospital stays, I noticed the following two things my mom said.

First, when the doctor came into the room she was determined to tell the doctor all the things my father had done wrong (or that he'd done after she'd told him not to) like she was telling on an unruly siblilng instead of her husband of more than 50 years. Then whenever she talked to the doctors or nurses about my dad's condition, it was always about how it affected her. "He just won't listen when I tell him not to eat X". "I'm just so exhausted from trying to take care of him." (BTW---he doesn't need any care, though he does need to be better about what he eats."

Before I go on to the second thing I noticed, let me give you a bit of background. While my father has not had any obvious health problems until about 4 years ago, my mother has. In the last 10 years or so, she has spent significant amounts of time in hospitals and nursing homes, though she is at home now and doing fine, or as fine as someone can who has had those problems.

So, we go into my father's hospital room and there's a recliner there. She sits in it and says "Oh, I never had anything this comfortable when I was in the hospital." She looks out the window. "I wish I'd had a nice view like this when I was in the hosptial. Oh, all those lonely days and long nights."

Yes, while my father was hooked up to machines and we were unclear about his condition, she made the conversation all about her.

I'm embarrassed to admit that I was almost 50 before I noticed these things, but when I did, I started thinking and did a bit of research. When I read about Narcissist Mothers, it was like the clouds in my brain parted and it all became clear.

Now, let me say, that I love my mother very much. I have no plans to go low or no contact. But, I do want to sort through these many issues and try to come to peace with this situation.