The Golden Child

It's not me.

From what I've read about Narcisstic mothers there is usually one golden child and at least one scapegoat child. I'm not sure what happens if there is only one child or more than two...is there one golden child and the rest are scapegoats? All I can report here is my own experience.

If you asked anyone who knows my mom they'd say she loves me (I think she does in her own way) and is very proud (yes, I suppose so, but I think more as it relates to making her seems more important than to actual pride in me.) of me.

[This leads to a side thought which I might want to address another time...how can my mother be proud of me when she doesn't even really know me. She thinks she does. She thinks she knows me better than I know myself, but the truth is, she doesn't.]

I suppose that's true because I'm pretty accomplished so that gives her something to talk about. But, that still doesn't make me the golden child. Oh no...that's my older brother.

My brother is a good guy. Honest and hard working and generous. He's got a degree from a prestigious college, but his job is pretty blue collar.

Now...on the list of things my mother values, education, being smart, reading all those sorts of intellectual pursuits are at the top of the list. And, by the way, I am all those things. (I really don't want to sound like I'm bragging, I'm just stating the facts. I have an advanced degree and a successful professional career, as well as a writing career. I have friends who are educated and accomplished. You know...all that sort of thing.)

My brother, on the other hand, hasn't read a book for years. Drinks too much. And most of his friends are really just a bunch of drinking buddies who take advantage of his good nature and wallet.

Would my mother ever admit that my brother isn't who she'd like him to be? No! Never.

Now, she will blame and criticize everyone around him, including his wife (who is no prize) for my brother's bad behavior, but she never can quite bring herself to lay blame on my brother. Or if she does, it will be sort of the compliment/blame like "well, he's just always been so honest and trusting it's no wonder people take advantage of him" rather than "well, if he had any sense or any balls, he would see these people for what they are".

Every now and then I'll try to bait her into criticizing him, but she just can't do it.

To me, it seems like it would be so difficult for her to square in her brain the fact that the golden boy is not nearly as golden as she'd like to think, but she manages. And has for years and years.