The Scapegoat

That's me!

Last time (scroll down to read it) I wrote about my brother, The Golden Child.

I am the scapegoat. And hard as it is to give up the hope that my status will ever change, I have to come to terms with the fact that that's how it will always be.

On the surface, and as I said last time, people would say that my mom just adores me since she talks about me all the time w/her friends...what I'm doing etc.

But in reality, she criticizes me constantly. Little digs about my hair or my clothes. My dog, my son. Even the brand of peanut butter I buy. They are all fair game for her caustic comments, as far as she's concerned.

My brother on the other hand...can do no wrong. He lives over 1,000 miles away and visits for 48 hours each year. I live about an hour away and visit at least a couple times per month plus I'm on call for hospital stays, surgeries, and doctor's visits.

A couple years ago my brother called one of my dad's doctors to find out what was going on with my dad. Apparently the doctor told my parents how nice he was and that he'd said "whatever you need to do to keep my dad healthy, you do it".

I'm sure he was sincere when he said it. And it was nice of the doctor to tell my parents because all parents like to hear their children praised by others.

But...imagine what it was like for me when I rearranged my life in order to attend a procedure with my parents and while I'm sitting there (and have been for hours) both parents mention how wonderful it was that my brother called the doctor. Then the doctor came in and when my parents introduced me he mentioned how nice it was to talk to my brother.

Now...it's not the doctor's fault that I have some bitterness, so I just smiled and agreed. What I really wanted to say was "gee, it's easy to phone it in. I'm actually here." I'm glad I didn't because, as I said, it's not the doctor's fault and he was just trying to be nice.

So I sat there and kept my mouth shut. What could I say that wouldn't sound bitter (because I was/am)?

Apparently if you're the Golden Child one phone call is worth more than days and days of actually being there.

And that pretty much sums up the value a narcissistic parent places on their scapegoat child.