Reduces Me To a Stammering Child

My husband invited his family to visit and to enjoy the property here. Seems simple enough, but that includes fishing and maybe a bit of hunting. I wished he'd not invited them. I wish he understood that I'd rather be inhospitable to his family than to risk the rage of my mom.

None of that is his fault. It's not mine either, it's just the conditioning I've had my whole life.

So I went to tell my mom they were going to visit tomorrow. She seemd confused and not too enthused. Why did they want to come here? Why did they want to hunt?

Had I told my dad? Yes, I explained that my husband had asked my dad. That migh have been a mistake because then she said "you planned all this and now you tell me". Yes, it is all about her. Everything, even some people she's never met and their desire to hunt is all about her.

Yes, I know I should feel compassion for her lonely bitter life. I'm still too angry for that.

While I was talking to her, my voice actually quavered. I wonder if she noticed. If so, it probably pleased her.

I've spent all day being anxious about telling her they were coming. I checked the weather forecast and hoped that maybe thunderstorms would keep them from coming.

She seemed okay with what I told her, but I am bracing myself. Sometime in the next twenty four hours she's going to have more to say about it. She'll either ask me a bunch of questions about them or she'll attack me for not telling her sooner.

I need to be ready. Can't let my guard down. If she attacks me, I'll use a narcissist apology "I'm sorry you feel that way." Maybe I'll try "You must have misunderstood."

Anyway, I'm a nervous wreck about this now, just waiting for her to explode.

I hope I'm wrong. I really do.