I Know There's A Purpose To This

It is so difficult living here with my parents, particularly my mother, though my dad is no picnic. But I don't live in fear of my dad sceaming at me.

I know, deep down, that I am here for a purpose. That I needed to experience this pain and to come to terms with the truth about who my parents really are vs. my sugar coated image of them.

But it is so painful. My life before we moved in with my parents was so calm. And now I am constantly on guard. Constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I am constantly angry and embarrassed and shocked by just how bad their behavior is, to each other, to me, to my husband, to strangers. It's like my parents have turned into cavemen.

I know God will find a way out for us. I just need to be patient. But it is so hard. I want to help God along by finding other ways out. Making some suggestions for Him to consider.

I am seriously afraid for my mental health if we stay here much longer. I've seen the toll it's taking on my husband too.

They are just to toxic. I thought they needed our help and they do need help and things go better for them when we help with cooking and errands. But our assistance is not so vital that they cannot survive without it. And if we leave on good terms, we can come back for a week or two every couple of months and I think that will be better for everyone. They are probably tired of us being here every day too.

But, I'm sure they aren't worried about whether I'm going to scream and call them names like I am with my mom.